Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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