Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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