You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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