# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
