i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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