when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
