I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas