I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.