You're my little dorito
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives