Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.