i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?