i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help