I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on