How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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