i just had sex bonerless
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
