ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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