your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
