I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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