wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
