Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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