The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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