does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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