I must be too annoying 4 u.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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