All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
