somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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