I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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