after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
