i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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