So drunk its hurt
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
