It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
