Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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