I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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