I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
