Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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