i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
