some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
