Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
