I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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