Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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