Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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