I think I won the penis lottery.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
