is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
3pm strippers are depressing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
