smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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