Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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