I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
