I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
