I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
