Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
