You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
should my penis look like a turkey
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
we're so committed to being not committed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
