Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
