Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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