just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
