Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
