he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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