So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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