So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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