i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
