The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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