you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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