they need to just BURY HIM!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
