Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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