You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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