Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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