I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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