You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
