what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
