I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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