perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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