I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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