omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
