i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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