you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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