I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
