my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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