please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
