The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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