I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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