he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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