I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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