I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
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Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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